Gaping Victory!

1/30 - 4 Deaths (1 Stupid) / 25 Pushups

After four deaths trying to sort out how to stay out of harm's way against the Gaping Dragon, I finally put him to bed. No cheating, no guides, no hints. I was proud of this one.


I wasn't proud of the 15-minute-earlier death where I tested a fire-enhanced weapon on him by activating it, then accidentally swapping back to my other sword and cancelling out the effect immediately, but I soon forgot about that little mishap. Because I stressed out about it and got cornered and died trying to swap back to estus flasks. That counted as stupid, therefore 10 push-ups.

Turns out Listerine was Super Effective!

My key opened the door to Blighttown, but it was so dank and deep down there I decided against it. I've had enough underground for now.

I made my way out of the Depths, encountering a man trapped in some barrels along the way. I suppose he'd have eventually suffered the same fate as the many corpses I've found in barrels along the way thus far (especially up in the Berg). If past experience serves me, he'll end up at firelink.

Upon return I discovered that the chappie who taught me the healing spell was soon to depart with his comrades. I considered buying anything else from him and decided not to. I don't tend to use magic and prefer the longbow to the soul arrows.

I decided to see what use I could make of my iron ring at the lake. I'd heard about a golden golem somewhere across the far side. Wasn't I trying to get OUT of the dank?

Halfway into the lake, the tallest ladder I've ever seen appeared to my left and went up the side of the waterfall. Let's go!

Take the long way home...

After a brief moment of vertigo (just kidding, real gamers don't get motion sickness) I found yet another ladder. Up we go, greeted by the Law & Order Chime indicating I was now at: Darkroot Garden? More of it? The only place I thought I'd left unexplored was the place with the...

GHOSTS! Arrows tore out of the trees, whizzing past my head and shot from an invisible archer. TO HELL WITH THIS! I was not ready, and would rather face this from the door with the bonfire thank-you-very-much.

Back down and along another route led to a small grove of trees with a big rat in the distance. I hit it with an arrow only to discover that 1) it was NOT a rat (it was much worse) and 2) there were three of them.

Luckily, they couldn't enter the woods and I could shoot at them with abandon from the trees. Unfortunately,  I had limited abandon and even less patience so I crept closer and closer until I could dispatch them with sword strikes by peeking out of the trees and luring them to use the spin-dash on me.

Further up, walking slowly and terrified, I stopped to realize the forest was moving. Two, three places. Coming towards me... or not. They were circling something, a larger version of themselves? A pond?

I took out my bow and saw... Goombas?

They were passive, but an arrow told me how strong they were and I left them alone too. This isn't the Golem I'd heard about, so I went back to the lake. Yes, it was a moment of cowardice but I felt outgunned up there.

The Golden Crystal Golem wasn't far away from the base of the waterfall. He was a simple battle and rather than giving me something cool, gave me SOMEONE cool.

I met her back at the shoreline of the lake and bought 6000 souls worth of spells which I took back to the bonfire in the cave. That's where I realized I was unable to use any of them at my current status. And the wand sucked anyways, not that I could use it.

Way to pay attention, Brave Sir Robin.

You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart sold a wand to you. 

Lost in the Depths

1/29 - 3 Deaths / 15 Push-ups

The first order of business was revenge on the R.O.U.S. (Rodents of unusual size? I don't think they exist.) I was pleased to see that the butcher was permanently deceased, so getting to him was easy enough.

Recovered the souls and collected the Spider Shield. I spent three hours wandering through the Depths. Luckily I suppose, I found the enemies to be mostly weak and predictable. Despite expecting trouble, I still managed to walk right into a pit, landing me in front of the ugliest fellows I've seen yet.

Kermit?

In my paranoia, I overused fire bombs on them though it later dawned on me that their curse gas was avoidable with a simple back roll and they were slow to re-attack so aggression was rewarded. I don't understand the eyes of death or whatever that they drop. Answer in the comments, though I'll eventually look it up.

Slowly clearing out the area of these led me to my biggest scare of the game thus far:

They don't move, but they MOVE.

I haven't sworn out loud like that since the mannequins from the first Condemned. In retrospect, they share a lot of the same vibe... I decided that I would not be an aggressor so didn't attack a single one, though I saw a couple crumble when hit by the cursed frogs things. I don't know if they do anything other than creep me out.

After what felt like ages, I finally came across a merchant sitting in a corner. I sauntered up to him only to have a jelly blob drop onto my head. A blob draws near indeed! Man those things are annoying to fight without an abundance of fire bombs or arrows, but the Halberd and Black Sword were good bets with their long-range thrusting attacks.

I don't know why that wise man's armor is so expensive, but I couldn't afford it. Since I was afraid to lost my souls, I bought the crystal shield but haven't equipped it yet. Can it really not be repaired?

Here in the Depths, armor must have at least 13 pieces of flair.

More wandering, but it wasn't long until I found the large cavern. This looks like a great place for a boss fight. Oh look, there's the white mist door.

And... oh shit.

Cut off the tail and... the head still eats you.

I got the tail off on the first battle. Yet another weapon that I won't be able to wield for months. Lots of running around, I was having trouble locking on but you have to be really close. Soul arrows were useless, fire bombs were not much better, Magic Weapon not much help because I had to downgrade to Halberd or Zweihander (German for 'two handed', if my bad German serves me). I have fire and thunder infusions I can try next time, these three failures were enough to put me past bedtime.

I'll be strategizing in my dreams, you wretch. See you soon...

Into the Depths

1/29 - 3 Deaths (1 Stupid) / 20 Pushups

I might be getting too good at this game. (This is shortly proven false)

From the Undead Burg bonfire I crossed the bridge and went back down to lower burg. Once again the poison dogs are simple enough with a strong shield, though I think equipping the halberd or winged spear would have been easier to use in the tight space of the stairwell.

I thought the little thief dudes would have been easy but I was caught off-guard by a parry and next thing I knew he was on my back slicing my throat. This was a new experience for me. I found a boss door but passed it by to see what was beyond. This let me unlock the gate by the aqueduct (I was waiting for that!) and discover the hollow merchant. 

I couldn't proceed further without another key so I figured I'd try the boss door.

I had no sooner stepped through than the Capra Demon (whose name I could barely read because his sword was passing into my face) absolutely destroyed me. I lasted maybe 4 seconds inside the door. 

This... is a dog's butt. Sorry about that.

Resisting the urge to read up on him, I resolved to give it a few more goes unaided.

It only took one.

Blocking and circling, I was able to defeat first the dogs, and when I backed up what I realized was a stairwell over the courtyard without being followed, I knew this was an opportunity. Three plunging attacks was all it took, and I only used a single flask. I later read that he sometimes follows you up the stairs, but I suppose I was lucky. I was so pumped that I started doing pushups anyways! I stopped at 2 though. "No, not too much. We still have a long way to go." Good advice, Bastian. 

Proud of myself, I wandered into The Depths. This one was blind - I'd never read a thing about it. Having stocked up on fire arrows, a temporary curse severed hand thing and a level up, I felt ready to go. All was going well too, I made short work of the weak zombie dudes and even put the butcher to rest with a back-stab. I found a secret passage behind his table and dropped a blue rock to check the depth. It was a safe fall, so I lept.

Cool! Bone piles, dark tunnel, running water, MASSIVE FUCKING RAT!

Something is about to go very wrong

But wait, I had the high ground! You're doomed, rat! I grabbed the above screenshot with F12 then remembered steam Big Picture Mode also allowed screenshots with Home Button (Centre X on the 360 pad) + RT. Unfortunately however, big picture mode was not active. So I slashed. Off the edge. 

The giant rat was actually not that bad; a few fire bombs and some attacks from the Drake and I had him down to 5%. Alas, he knocked me over and finished me off while I was getting up. I was FURIOUS at this personal let-down. He would have been a piece of cake from the cheap safety of the ledge. This is unacceptable behavior (even though it's Steam's fault for trying to teach me a gamepad shortcut).

Hereafter, I am implementing the following rule:

DEATH BY STUPIDITY = 10 Pushups.

This will include falling off cliffs, getting killed by puny enemies and accidentally slashing into rat nests.

At this point I quit for the night. I don't deserve to return. I better get those souls back.

Moonlight Butterfly / Havel

1/28 - 5 Deaths / 25 Pushups

Affirmative Action!

Defeated the Moonlight Butterfly in 2 tries. OK, 3 tries. Almost used humanity to summon the backup chappie previous warriors had hinted at but decided against it. I can solo this bug. With the crest shield from the asylum I could block effectively. Only died because I tried rolling away from the slow strong attack instead of blocking. Used my first homeward bone from the victory perch atop the tower. Homeward Bone... possibly the first item ever named after sexual fidelity.

Used the new souls to level up twice, now capable of wielding the Black Knight's Sword. The strong attack is like a goddamn Falcon Punch. That will be the chant I call when I use it.

So, what's this basement key for? I think it's the door by the (dead) hydra in the basin. Yup works! Oh who's this he's looking heavily arm-. 5 pushups. Unable to block unless stamina at 100%. Went back for more, managed to stab him in the back. Normal attacks would take FOREVER. Died again (shield was down). Third try was it, 5-6 back stabs and we had it. Stepping in and away and circling nonstop was the key. Zero damage taken. Took Havel's ring (so, I guess I was fighting Havel?) then went upstairs. Ooo! Shortcut opened! 

I went back to Mr. Sunshine across the Taurus bridge. He's still just tanning.

Praise the Sun indeed...

Oh look, the red dragon has gone- *whooshy flame sound*. 5 pushups. Shit, I had 10K souls from the fight against Havel. Better go get those back off the bridge.

Decided against pissing off the dragon and wandered down under the bridge to Lower Burg. Killed some dogs, got stabbed in the back by sneaky bastards, decided to trust the locked-up chappie and he rewarded me with promise of spells at Firelink for letting him out. Had too many souls to brave wandering further into lower burg so went back up and bought Soul Arrow and Magic Weapon. Not enough intelligence for anything fancier. Wait, I can't even aim these soul arrows without lockon? Fuck it anyways, I only have one attunement slot and my swords be MAGIC now.

Undead Asylum - Ring Acquired

1/24 - 2 deaths / 10 Pushups

Fuckin' Eh! The key to the rusted ring was on the roof at firelink the whole time! Rusted ring aquired! 

While I'm here at Undead Asylum, for no special reason maybe now I can beat the knights! 

...

Nope.

Undead Asylum - Crest Shield and Death

1/22 - 9 Deaths / 45 Pushups

Today was a bad day.

Made my way back to firelink intending to get the iron ring from Undead Asylum. I made it and was successful FINDING both black knights and the pit demon thing. Gave them many souls and lives. Still, I defeated the normal-sized knight chappie and got his Crest Shield, which should help with the butterfly boss since it has good magic defense. 

I also found the door which held the rusty ring thing but couldn't open it. :(

Traded a couple things with the unseen crow. Small steps.

A Confidence Builder

1/21 - 5 Deaths / 25 Pushups

Defeated both the Black Knight (overhead attack, run away, circle and block) and the Hydra at Darkroot Basin. Not bad! Turns out the best path was to the right through the trees, using them as cover instead of rushing out from safety on the left.

Not venturing into the lake without the iron ring though, too vulnerable.

Took the elevator down from the darkroot basin campfire, and ended up at a place called Drake's Something. Drakes are tough as hell! 

Died once there, came back to get my souls and ended up picking one off with arrows (maybe 70?). Earned a thousand souls! OH SHIT... He dropped something. I want it. 

I lean around the corner, see another 6 or 7 of them. Damnit. 

I made a break for the dropped item - it was another dragon scale! Busted back to the elevator like my character's namesake would have done.

Feels good man. Today was a good day.

Dirty Basin

1/20 - 24 Deaths / 120 Pushups

Gee, these lumbering sleepy knights kicked my ass, let's try that upper route off the garden path. Oh look, a basin! You wash your face in my sink?

Joy! New armor on a dead body! It's all leather, and only benefits if I'm attacked by magic. I never get attacked by magic. Fought and killed the Crystal Golems at the bottom of the hill. Yay for slow moving enemies! What's with the white light from the lake? Killed by magic.

Tried to get back to the Hydra in the lake. Killed by magic. Could barely even get close. Something's in the water, don't think I can suicide run to it though.

Went the other way. Black Knight warning by a fellow traveller. Sounds like a fight I can handle. Died. Tried again, fell three levels down the cliff, died. Died, died, died. Looked up help online. Soul arrows? Don't have those. Died. Parry and counter attack! Failed miserably. Use the tiny round shield! Couldn't even parry once. I might suck at parrying.

Didn't know what I could do, checked the wiki for tips, retried the lumbering fellas and managed to beat them and recover wolf ring and elite knight armor. Mostly not as strong as Eastern, but the pants are good.

I guess I need to try and face the Black Knight again. Not tonight though, triceps hurt too much.

This is starting to hurt...

1/19 - 14 deaths / 70 Pushups

I was summoned for the first time at the Undead Parish. I like the glowy look! 

The host also summoned some Knight Solaire? That's a good name for how golden he was. I'm not sure how that happened, but it was a 3 on 2, quite the orgy of violence. We conquered and I walked away with a Sunlight Medal. Blessed be! 

I mean, Praise the Sun! 

Not sure why I can't heal when summoned... I guess I'm not really 'there' in that world. 

At this point I also realized that hearing the bell in the tower (when not personally ringing the bell in the tower) means someone else has rung it. I smile when I hear it now... good for you, young champion.

I made my way into Darkroot Garden next. Incredible atmosphere here! I don't mind the wind anymore.

I trimmed some angry hedges and found the secret campfire behind the wall thanks to notes from travellers. 

Found the very obvious place to use my forest seal. Got told I would die, and that was true. 10 immediate push-ups fighting the ghost knight chappies. Decided to try a suicide run since all my souls went to buying the seal anyways. Busted ass straight for a prize that turned out to be another glowy flower. Shit. Kept running, the rustling of hedges hot in my rear speakers and luckily I came across the Eastern Armor on a corpse. Arrigato Mr Deadman! There were a lot of angry trees and ghosts behind me at this point, ready to finish the job. The few souls I had are not being retrieved.

Went another way, found a harmless giant tree, and killed it. I felt bad about it. Killed a frog-ray, felt bad about it. Found a dead body, the body got up and killed me, felt bad about it.

Certainly that dead body will stay dead like the rest of them have...

Clipped Wings

1/18

Gong!

I defeated the Bell Gargoyles!

It took about 5 tries, melee attacks and blocking did the trick.

I spent the money on the forest seal at the blacksmith. I hope this was a good investment.

NOTE: Until now, I had not been tallying deaths per session. Cumulatively, I have died 25 times from the beginning to this point, incurring 125 push-ups as penalty. Going forward, tallies are listed per session.

I'm not proud of it...

1/16

Today I conquered the lightning scorpion fellow by a method I'll call 'The Yellow-Bellied Archer'. This involved hiding behind a fallen pillar and shooting at him with sissy arrows for longer than I'd care to admit. All the while, his own blasts exploded harmlessly against another pillar near to him.

Once complete I ran past his corpse-vapor leftovers and saw the cool glowey flowers outside in the forest. Their wonder didn't last however, the wind scared me too badly so I went back to the campfire, ate beans and sang songs about buffalo. 

I'll face that garden another day.

Emergency Exits

1/14 

Did my very first execution of a new move I'm going to call the 'eternal evade'. Or possibly 'dodge of death'. 

It goes like this: Dodge off a cliff. 

I'm not the only one to do this; it seems 50% of the blood stains next to cliffs lead to ghosts doing the same trick. 

I feel a sense of belonging to the ghostly, suicidal community.

Timidly, we enter a new world...

Meet Brave Sir Robin! Initial Build - Male Warrior, Useless pendant.

Brave, Brave, Brave, Brave Sir Robin.

Master Key? Fire bombs? Please. I'll take the useless pendant! Why choose something that sounds helpful? That's not the point of this game. I couldn't bring myself to be a woman though, considering how brutally I was expecting to die, and how often. It seemed like an un-gentlemanly thing to do. 

NOTE: That's saying something coming from a guy whose Saints Row 3 character did NOT dress appropriately for... well anything.

Road rash only happens if you fall off...

1/8 - 1/13

NOTE: I wasn't initially documenting every play session, so this one is a mash-up and written weeks later.

I basically started out like you all did or will; sucking ass. I have no DeS (damn straight I'm hip to the acronyms) background so this is all new to me. 

I chose to only use guides AFTER I've explored an area, if I felt I'd left something behind or wanted to make sure I was on the right track.

I have a friend who has bested the game who I report progress to. Though occasionally offering advice, he's usually more a comforting ear and reassuring mentor.

Off we go.

I spent the first couple hours perfecting a move that I'm glad to say I've since abandoned. It goes like this: 

1) Slowly approach an enemy with shield raised. 

2) Wait for enemy to attack

3) Block or dodge attack

4) Immediately close to point-blank range

5) Use estus flask

Apparently too many of my recent games have used X as an attack button (I'm looking at YOU Mark of the Ninja). Step six was taking a sword in the face and starting over.

Five deaths got me out of the Undead Asylum. I do not feel ready for this game.

I slowly weaned my way through the Undead Burg, hacking and slashing and taking arrows to the face until I finally found the Taurus Demon.

I didn't even know how to avoid his attacks so I shamefully read a guide to give me an idea on how to confront him. The plunging attack method won the day after 7-8 attempts.