Gaping Victory!

1/30 - 4 Deaths (1 Stupid) / 25 Pushups

After four deaths trying to sort out how to stay out of harm's way against the Gaping Dragon, I finally put him to bed. No cheating, no guides, no hints. I was proud of this one.


I wasn't proud of the 15-minute-earlier death where I tested a fire-enhanced weapon on him by activating it, then accidentally swapping back to my other sword and cancelling out the effect immediately, but I soon forgot about that little mishap. Because I stressed out about it and got cornered and died trying to swap back to estus flasks. That counted as stupid, therefore 10 push-ups.

Turns out Listerine was Super Effective!

My key opened the door to Blighttown, but it was so dank and deep down there I decided against it. I've had enough underground for now.

I made my way out of the Depths, encountering a man trapped in some barrels along the way. I suppose he'd have eventually suffered the same fate as the many corpses I've found in barrels along the way thus far (especially up in the Berg). If past experience serves me, he'll end up at firelink.

Upon return I discovered that the chappie who taught me the healing spell was soon to depart with his comrades. I considered buying anything else from him and decided not to. I don't tend to use magic and prefer the longbow to the soul arrows.

I decided to see what use I could make of my iron ring at the lake. I'd heard about a golden golem somewhere across the far side. Wasn't I trying to get OUT of the dank?

Halfway into the lake, the tallest ladder I've ever seen appeared to my left and went up the side of the waterfall. Let's go!

Take the long way home...

After a brief moment of vertigo (just kidding, real gamers don't get motion sickness) I found yet another ladder. Up we go, greeted by the Law & Order Chime indicating I was now at: Darkroot Garden? More of it? The only place I thought I'd left unexplored was the place with the...

GHOSTS! Arrows tore out of the trees, whizzing past my head and shot from an invisible archer. TO HELL WITH THIS! I was not ready, and would rather face this from the door with the bonfire thank-you-very-much.

Back down and along another route led to a small grove of trees with a big rat in the distance. I hit it with an arrow only to discover that 1) it was NOT a rat (it was much worse) and 2) there were three of them.

Luckily, they couldn't enter the woods and I could shoot at them with abandon from the trees. Unfortunately,  I had limited abandon and even less patience so I crept closer and closer until I could dispatch them with sword strikes by peeking out of the trees and luring them to use the spin-dash on me.

Further up, walking slowly and terrified, I stopped to realize the forest was moving. Two, three places. Coming towards me... or not. They were circling something, a larger version of themselves? A pond?

I took out my bow and saw... Goombas?

They were passive, but an arrow told me how strong they were and I left them alone too. This isn't the Golem I'd heard about, so I went back to the lake. Yes, it was a moment of cowardice but I felt outgunned up there.

The Golden Crystal Golem wasn't far away from the base of the waterfall. He was a simple battle and rather than giving me something cool, gave me SOMEONE cool.

I met her back at the shoreline of the lake and bought 6000 souls worth of spells which I took back to the bonfire in the cave. That's where I realized I was unable to use any of them at my current status. And the wand sucked anyways, not that I could use it.

Way to pay attention, Brave Sir Robin.

You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart sold a wand to you.