More Clean-up

4/29 - 2 Deaths / 10 Push-ups

I made a bunch of tradesies with Snuggly, the Ring of Fog looks cool as hell when equipped.

The only dying I did was during failed invasions as a Blade of the Darkmoon. Had a hilarious game of Cat & Mouse in Dark Anor Londo but lost when what I thought was a friendly boxing match turned out to be an enemy armed with Chaos Caestus. Oops!


Killed off the Fair Lady, harvested her soul, bought some armor from the chappie up in Sen's (but got warped to an invasion before I could kill him).

Terrible Screenshot.

Also realized that Stupid Petrus killed Rhea, so I avenged her...

Well, THAT isn't going to teach me a gesture...

Screw you and your pleasant covenant!

Dragon Slayer & Welcome to the Kiln

4/28 - 2 Deaths / 10 Push-ups

Valley of Drakes (& Red Tearstone Ring): Check.

Hellkite Wyvern: Check.

Finally put her to bed, with what seemed like a bit of luck and a good combo of hits without the 'fly away and burn you to pieces' bit she normally does.

The bridge is finally mine.

I visited the lordvessel to donate my souls, and finally opened the way to the Kiln of the First Flame.

The black knights were very generous in their drops, perhaps by design.

As I met Gwyn for the first time, I was not expecting a victory.

I was not surprised. He is fast, aggressive and powerful. I think fast-rolling may be the way forward on this one, but despite visiting the end-game arena, I will run a few errands before coming back.

I took the time to note what I could and couldn't carry with me, and as such will spend the remaining boss souls and harvest firekeeper souls from the unfortunate remaining humans scattered across Lordran.

Excuse me sir, your sword is on fire.

Bed of Chao- Oh is that all it was?

4/25 - 8 Deaths / 40 Push-Ups

Interestingly, one of the weakspots was already damaged when I arrived, meaning I only had to take out the second one. 

It took me five lives to figure out what to do with the Bed of Chaos after that. I hacked at his arms, shot arrows at his 'face', tried using fire weapons on the wood...

I was staring at the soft light of my bonfire thinking to myself 'I've attacked the left flank, the right flank, the top... what's left?

Is THIS the true form then?

So I blitzed down the middle. The AoE took me out on the first run, I jumped into the pit on the second, but try three was gold. I wish I took a screenshot of his tiny writhing form before I slayed that arboreal bastard.

Alas, dear Solaire is troubled...

I saw Knight Solaire once more near the shortcut door, surrounded by the little bugs. He was so sad... in his honour I went and joined the Sunlight Warrior Covenant. Praise the Sun!

My time in Lordran draws to a close, I can feel it. In this regard, I am now tying up some loose ends before entering the kiln. 

Finally, I can truly Praise the Sun!

My first stop was to say goodbye to the undead merchant in Undead Berg. Thanks for the help, I'll take good care of your dear friend Uchi.

Next, the Hellkite Wyvern needs to die. A simple task at SL 92 I'm su- OH WHAT THE HELL!? I STILL CAN'T BLOCK THIS?

Dark Souls.

Dominating the Flames

4/19 - 5 Deaths / 20 Push-ups


Went back at the Demon Firesage and only died twice, both times to getting stuck against a root and being unable to avoid the E-Honda butt splash attack.

Back to the Asylum with you!

From there, found a shortcut back to Quelaag which was very cool and very Dark Souls.

Back along my way and not one normal enemy later I was at ANOTHER fog door, this one leading to the Centipede Demon! Two bosses in 5 minutes! I was thrilled to see that the awesome statue I was admiring earlier on the wall was in fact an enemy, very cool to foreshadow like that, though to be honest I was scared shitless of the statue and hoping it wouldn't come alive.

Oh dear, it DID come alive

This one seemed to have very strange and non-exploitative AI, and went down on the second try. Thanks for the ring, buddy!

It was at this time that I found my old friend Solaire. He was downtrodden and saddened that he could not find what he was looking for. When I returned, he was gone. I hope I see you again my friend, I hope you find your sun.

To me, you will always be grossly incandescent...

Ran around in the lava, found the hidden bonfire and chest and made my way back up into the 'village' area. A few dozen running R1's against the living urns and I was back at Fog Door #3. What's that they say? "Third time's the harm?"

This one I was afraid of.

Bullet-hell shooters taught me to aim for your glowy bits.

Ok, is that all you've got? Branches? I'll aim for what looks like a weak spot over here and...

Well, shit.

Oh, there goes the floor, and there I go.

No. No time for this now.

Izalith Found. Sacrifice Lost.

4/13 - 2 Deaths / 10 Push-ups

Not a lot of dying today; it was a day of careful exploration.

I found a bonfire near the far edge of the Demon Ruins. It was defended at the time by a centipede bug, but they're not too bad with a good reach weapon.

You may remember me from such films as 'Tremors' and 'Tremors 2'.

Wandering down an epic stair-bridge from the bonfire is a fog gate and as I stepped towards it - oh what's this to the right?

Fog gate or long dusty chamber with item.... 

Well, the dusty room looks like a dead-end so I'll try that first.

Wandering through, killed some tiny bugs, got the sunlight maggot. Welcome to Lost Izalith!

Titanite demon on a narrow bridge? Damnit. I'm not good at these guys.

Having not kindled the last bonfire, I had very little estus left. I used what was left getting past the Titanite Demon (told you I was never particularly good at them). Luckily they're non-respawning.

Wandered around laying the smackdown on fire-breathing pots.

One time, every time.

All of a sudden, a floor falls away and I'm overlooking a pit of - HEY LOOK IT'S SIGMEYER!

What could be distressing him THIS time?

Ah, he's standing over a Sarlaac pit...

I didn't want to risk another fall-away of the floor so I filled 'em with holes from above before even talking to Siggy. He was grateful for the help and gave me a defense-buffing ring.

Some running around in aforementioned Sarlaac pit later and I found an awesome-sounding ember and some stairs to get the hell out of dodge, but not before I made a strange realization about my best anti-poison armour:

My most poison-resistant option is going BAREFOOT.  

There's a lot of attention to detail in this game, but that choice I do not understand.

Met a pyromancer, met my end while standing in a pool of his lava.

This pyromancer caught me off-guard, but what was REALLY shitty was when I realized I'd left 45K souls on the ground. No worries, at least all the Taurus Demons by the stairs and the Titanite Demon will all be dead still.

WRONG.

Dark Souls for ya. In one level Taurus Demon was downgraded from Boss to Non-Recurring Enemy to Normal Enemy.

The option to go human and kindle the bonfire was tempting, but the fear of an invasion on the way to recover my souls kept me from doing it. I decided to put on a Rare Ring of Sacrifice just in case I died on the way. As soon as I spend my souls or get somewhere safe I can take it off.

I tried running past the titanite demon (it'll be safer, I thought) and one stab in the back as I sprinted past in my Slumbering Dragoncrest ring took me to 5% health. Luckily, I got out of range and healed up. Getting back to the pyromancer was easy, and I beat him handily this time now that I was aware that the lava hung around under his attacks.

Another 25 minutes of wandering around and I'd only found paths into lava pits (certainly not capable of THAT feat at the moment) and a second fog door. Well shit. Homeward bone it is, let's go spend these souls.

Now I might as well check the closer fog gate since I'm here and soul-less.

Haven't I killed enough of your family?

ANOTHER ONE OF THESE FAT DEMONS? This must be the one that moved out of the house.

I did fairly well against him for a first try, only dying when I was in a corner and couldn't roll away from the butt-splash.

That's when I realized something AWFUL;

(Glitchiness is from the DSFix mod)

I wasted a Rare Ring of Sacrifice on 6,000 souls. 

Sigh. 

Exit game.

Demon Ruins - Ceased Discharge

4/11 - 4 Deaths / 20 Push-ups

Demon Ruins.

No offence, but you UGLY.

I bee-lined to Ceaseless Discharge first. Stopping on the way to notice that the bridge between the bonfire hill and the opposite rock face was hollow. If lava or water flows through this later I'll be  tickled at the design.

Magmaduct?

Ceaseless Discharge wasn't too bad. I opted not to use the cheat and see what he was like in a real battle. I'm glad I did; his attack patterns weren't all that varied, especially if you stay just out of reach.

So, what's this you're waving at me?

Ah, I see. :(

I took him down on the second try (third if you count the time he killed me Feb 4th).

Next I cleared out the Taurus Demons. Died twice trying to re-learn the attack patterns. MAN did DaS ever give us a lot of time to dodge these guys. I should have been mid-rolling or fast-rolling, this would be a cake walk. Black Knight Greatsword +5 takes them down in 3 swings.

Even MegaMan only made you replay the first boss ONCE.

A little final running around and I picked up the Chaos Ember from the lava pool. Made it out alive with just a sliver of health.

Not going to continue tonight, killer headache and push-ups make it worst. Unfortunate!

Loose Ends

4/10 - 1 Death / 5 Push-ups

Just tidying up. Told Gough of my victory over Kalameet and he gave me his greatbow! Also killed Chester the Molester because fuck that creep.

Killed the poison dragon, the NPC invader and a human invader in the Painted World, made some Boss Soul weapons, upgraded the Obsidian Greatsword (it's ALMOST as strong as the Black Knight Greatsword now).

I also made my way down to the Fair Lady and offered 30 humanity to get in +2 with Chaos Servant's covenant. Yes, I cheated here and accidentally read a perk of the covenant that I decided I wanted.

Sorrow...

Four of Four - DLC Complete

4/9 - 2 Deaths / 10 Push-ups

UPDATE

Here's a video of Kalameet's final battle. This one's for Zoltrixxx who needs to go back and do it himself.

It took me awhile to get into stride and I almost didn't make it a few times.

I almost didn't fit under youtube's cap for length, sorry I didn't get him down faster.

Obsidian Greatsword and Dark Souls Heartbreak

4/8 - 6 Deaths / 30 Push-ups

On attempt 5 (today) I cut off the tail finally. I screamed out my victory and nearly woke the whole street. All these attempts and I had learned well the attack patterns, but getting to that damn tail... Then I died again.

When I came back, no longer in need of holding back, I started to whittle away. For what felt like HOURS I whittled away... Trying not to screw up... trying not to hurry.

Down and down went his health, one little slice at a time.

Kalameet, I finally have your number, you black bitch.

But then Kalameet reminded me...

... I was playing Dark Souls.

Black Dragon Kalameet

4/4 - 10 Deaths / 50 Push-ups

Manus Down, Jolly Co-op in the Abyss

4/4 - 1 Death / 5 Push-ups

Killed Manus on my second attempt (today)!

Good girl! Boy? Good Wolf!

Brought in Sif because despite my no-summoning rule because IT'S A WOLF SO I HAD TO. Together, we vanquished the corrupt Manus once and for all. The Silver Pendant was a huge help; it really negated the threat of the dark magic attacks and I found it lasted just long enough to make the timing pretty easy.

Poor bastard. I know how THAT feels.

Excuse me Miss Dusk, do you plan to stay here all day?

The centre of Manus' battleground has a humanity-shaped space for a body

Next, I went back and dropped a white soapstone at the bonfire, hoping to help someone with my new found confidence and understanding of the boss.

It took a few minutes for the first summon, but within an hour or so I'd fought Manus three more times, with two victories and one dead host in the middle. The first battle was a righteous gangbang with host, two human summons AND Sif! It was a slaughter.

This fine gentleman did not survive the battle with Manus

I finally grew tired of the dark and made my way back to Oolacile where I used the Crest Key to meet Gough. Gough had a very large bow, and he knew how to use it!

This'll be good...

Looks like the odds against Kalameet just started to swing back in my favour.

So, they call you Manus eh?

4/2 - 10 Deaths (1 Stupid) - 55 Push-ups

Well Mr. Manus, so-called Father of the Abyss; what do you think of me NOW THAT I BROUGHT A LITTLE FRIEND ALONG!?

My favourite NPC is BACK, baby!

You have magic? Oh I see. Well you didn't mention that before. I suppose I... no perhaps I'll just... nope that didn't work either.

So, uh, Sif... can you get, you know, BIG again? No? Oh dear.

Perhaps I'll just die again in that case. :(

Stupid Death: Rolled off a cliff trying to be Mr. Speedypants.