Abyss Monster - Redux

3/26 - 5 Deaths (1 Stupid) / 30 Push-ups

"This guy seems reasonable. I think I'll be able to sort him out within a few lives." - Me, 3/24

I was wrong.

New outfit, same result

Stupid Death: Trying to see if I'd taken off enough armor to fast-roll. Fast-rolled off the cliff.

The Dark of the Abyss

3/24 - 4 Deaths (1 Stupid) / 25 Push-ups

A short run tonight, but productive.

Learned that the elevator shortcut from Oolacile down to lower Oolacile descends at the speed of gravity. Therefore even if you step into the shaft a second after it departs, you will die. 10 Push-ups.

The RIGHT way to use an elevator.

I see glowing eyes. They follow me no matter what.

Maybe they're not hostile.

GHOSTS? They kinda look like humanities.

There are large and small ones. Sometimes in groups that look like families. I suddenly don't feel so good killing them.

Then they attacked me and I stopped feeling bad about it. Turns out, they drop humanities. LOTS of humanities.

I wandered the dark for some time, collecting quite a bit of humanity and even finding and rescuing (?) a very small and safe version of Sif. He left me a badass shield that doesn't protect physical damage very well but looks awesome for screenshots. See below.

I was glad to find a shortcut back to Royal Wood from the deep dark Abyss, but now is not the time for backtracking.

More descending and I found a fog door. Too soon for a boss?

Why do I always get dropped? I'm going to sprain an ankle if this keeps up.

Nope.

I don't suppose you're any nicer than the rest of the locals.

This guy seems reasonable. I think I'll be able to sort him out within a few lives. Artorias' shield will not make sense for this fight. Probably neither will heavy armor. Alas the bonfire was not close, so this fight will have to wait.

Welcome to Oolacile

3/21 - 11 Deaths (2 Stupid) / 65 Push-ups

I vanquished Artorias! 

In the end, I had to be running nearly naked in order to cleanly dodge his attacks, but once I learned I was able to finally gain the upper hand. Again like the Stone Guardians of Royal Wood, LAST MINUTE dodging was the key - and my ever faithful Black Knight Greatsword brought him to his knees.

This was a very fun fight. I will surely return for Jolly Co-op!

I planted a summon sign near the sanctuary and wandered Royal Wood for awhile, hoping to help a poor soul with their own battle now that I'd learned the secret to conquering him, but the late hour and smaller PC community meant my offer went unaccepted.

I was also warned that I'd been gravelorded ('Disasters will remain until the host is vanquished' or something) but I never saw either the gravelord summon sign nor the red overpowered enemies either.

Eventually I gave up and went to Oolacile. There I found the PVP arenas, which were also empty. Damn you PC edition! Hopefully this weekend's Steam sale will aid things. Perhaps I need to jump back in at SL1.

This manly pose lasted a few minutes before I gave up on PVP.

I eventually gave up on MP for awhile and battled through Oolacile, progressing all the way to the elevator shortcut trigger.

I thought I'd try heading to offer Coop for Artorias one last time when I saw this:

Passing was impossible as the fog was impassable.

Why was there an impassable fog gate at the door to the boss area? I thought perhaps I had been invaded without a warning sign but nothing came of it and it eventually disappeared.

So, to hell with this. I dropped a red soapstone mark and played one round of PVP (died to a single mega-powerful backstab) and then I went to bed.

Oh, the stupid deaths? Instead of drawing my bow to snipe from one of the many narrow pathways, I swing my sword instead and plummeted to my doom. Then later I walked backwards off a roof while fighting some pumpkin-heads and waiting to be summoned. 

How embarassing.

Sir Artorias and the Dragon

3/19 - 10 Deaths / 50 Push-ups

SPECIAL NOTE: Death #300 and Push-up #1500 awarded to Sir Artorias the Abysswalker.

Well, I've finally figured out how to get past the Stone Guardians. I stripped my chest down and have a very fast roll, and it looks like I was just dodging TOO SOON. Wait until the last minute and you get past the giant hammer/axe's reach.

I kinda take out my hatred on them still however.

I kicked their corpses off the cliff. Every single one.

Some more careful wandering and purging of scarecrows and stone guardians and I collected more of the Guardian set.... and had yet another bridge scare.

THIS again!?

Oh could it be another tease for a dragon that will kill me later? Perhaps in this giant open valley up ahead with corpses all over the ground. Oddly reminiscent of Darkroot Basin... like a version of it from the past.

I feel very exposed out here...

The dragon's black-spewing fly-by totally wrecked my shit. Some people had posted 'Weakness: Tail'. I don't know if that's a joke or not; he killed me without even landing.

Remember, remember the fifth of November.

Perhaps I can take an alternate route? Oh look, NPC! I think it's Guy Fawkes. Guy was sadly unhelpful. Just a shop? Nothing unique? Shame, really.

I decided to check out the big fog door instead of heading back down the waterfall and OH LOOK ANOTHER BOSS.

So badass

Motherfucking Artorias! Look he's killing a bad guy! I can help with that! I'll be on your team, let's co-op!

What do you say? Friends and chappies?

Stone Guardians :(

3/17 - 12 Deaths / 60 Push-ups

I beat the Sanctuary Guardian on the third or fourth try. Had to tank him with Havel's gear to be able to last long enough to counter attack. I tried attacking the tail just to see but it's vulnerable so rarely that in the end I gave up and went for the kill.

Took many tries to figure this guy out

I wish I could say I was then able to progress.

A quick hello to the mushroom lady was pleasant. I think she sells the same stuff as the dead Dusk lady so that's good.

The friendliest mushroom

But then came the Stone Guardians in the Royal Wood.

What. The. Fuck.

He'll be the death of me.

The first guy at the top of the stairs killed me more times than Sanctuary Guardian. I just don't know how to dodge these attacks! And even a backwards roll seems to be ineffective! Maybe my timing is bad, but this is insane. That hammer is SO BIG I can't seem to get away.

So much death, so much sadness... I guess I'll see the rest of the wood another day.

Seath the Lifeless

3/15 - 9 Deaths / 45 Push-ups

This was all about Crystal Cave. Over and over, slowly slogging through the cave.

The snowflakes was a very cool touch and the invisible paths were great for making your gut turn, even after you know where they are.Those yellow Golems though... what monsters. Luckily they didn't respawn.

I'll be nice to you if you be nice to me!

With only a bow as a ranged attack, I left the moonlight butterflies alone (except one accidental agro, which led to my death).

I'd hate to be barefoot in here

Otherwise the biggest issue was man-eating clams I'd say. I swapped over to Demon's Spear +5 and even though it didn't do as much damage as the Black Knight Sword at +5, the spear caused stun from the lightning every second hit and has great range letting me stay defensive.

Hello little fella!

Seath himself took a bit of getting used to, I didn't even know I had to damage his crystal thing - I just beat on him uselessly. That's a LONG walk to the boss, so I was glad to get past it.

Back at Firelink I ran into Seigmeyer's daughter again. Some creative camera work revealed her locks to be a lovely golden colour.

Seig's daughter is a blonde.

 Finally, I bee-lined it for Darkroot Garden to face the DLC areas.

THIS is in the DLC?

Duke's Invader

3/14 - 2 Deaths / 10 Push-ups

This Music did not soothe the savage beasts

I spent most of today a little lost. Clearing the prison area and battling the blue snake things was easy, but after I got back to the library I didn't have a clear destination.

Best not to use this angle if you're afraid of heights

I wandered around the library upper levels looking for a way forward. I was turning staircases, running back and forth along bookshelves, crashing into globes and taking arrows in the back. It seemed like the only way forward was a sacrificial jump and I was just clearing a mage off the landing zone when I got a notice:

You have been invaded by Flare Solaris.

Oh shit! This is real! A REAL invasion! NOT an NPC! I rarely walk around in Human form so this was a first for me.

Standing on an upper walkway over a huge drop didn't feel safe, but I had to get the mage out of the way regardless so I kept one eye down the path and one eye on the bow, firing arrows at the mage. As the mage died, the red spirit showed up on the staircase below. He turned the crank and brought the stairs to me... effectively opening the path I was about to try a leap of faith for.

I waved, he turned the stairs another few times playfully and I went along for the ride. This might actually not be a complete ass. Finally, he beckoned me to follow him.

He led me down to a lower empty room where we could face off fairly. Good honour! He even waited until I was ready and drew against him.

My honorable Aussie invader

In the end, a first for me, I won! All my forest invasions ended in a loss so this was thrilling for me. I wrote him and thanked him for being a good sport, for turning the stairs for me and wished him well. He did the same in answer.

First PVP Victory - a narrow one to be sure! I only won because I could heal.

Well met, Flare Solaris of Australia!

From this new area I found a back door to the gardens behind the archives. I fought a number of Golems, one of which was Gold and had Seig's Daughter captured within!

Yes, I have met your father. He killed me twice.

This led to the Crystal Cave, where I was knocked off a cliff to my death blocking against a crystal golem on a narrow walk.

I don't know if I missed a battle against that white dragon again but I might have to re-wander the halls of the Archives rather than face the cave. I suppose I could take the same stairs to the dragon as before now that I found the connecting route, but I don't know how to defend if he uses the same attacks...

End of Nito, A Duke's Introduction

3/13 - 11 Deaths (1 Stupid) - 60 Push-ups


Gravelord Nito gave me a better fight the second time. What I didn't realize was that the large skeletons that kicked my ass the second time won't come after you unless you head around to the back of the room. So next time I didn't.

I also approached him in Human form which meant I was invaded by my first NPC on the way there. Winning that invasion earned me a cool health-regen shield (NOT manly though) and a huge divine mace that I won't have the strength to wield one-handed until NG+. Insufficient Faith too, so yeah probably won't use it.

Paladin Armor from Nigo's Grave. Very SunBro.

With Nito defeated I made my way to Anor Londo to head up the hill to Duke's Archives.

Cool Library

The Duke has two unpleasant bellboys. On a whim I tried the Demon Spear and found lightning to be strong against them, even better than my BKGS +4, so that was nice.

Try Lightning

Many crystal hollow soldier dudes are in here, many archers too. One has to be careful not to get overwhelmed (which happened a couple times to me).

The farther I climbed the more the crystal was taking over, a very cool artistic effect.

Bellboy dropped his hat

OH SHIT BOSS!

This white dragon's attack seems unblockable and undodgeable and covering the entire floor. Unfair, even for Dark Souls... Keep chugging estus until he changes patterns! No estus left! I am dead...

But what's this? I was thrown into prison!? The game has never done anything like this before! Where the fuck are my souls?

I saw a bloodstain waaaay up a tall ladder near an unopened door and watched the dumbass jump to his death. Then I looked down and realized there was something there. So yeah... stupid death = 10 push-ups.

These things sounded like they were crying... so I killed them.

Oh hey look it's Big Hat Logan! He wants to be saved again, after he refused to sell me spells after I saved him LAST time.

We'll just see how much of a hurry I'm in to rescue you...

Gravelord Nito Used To Be My Friend

3/10 - 2 Deaths 10 Push-ups

I finally made it out of the Tomb, though my time here is not yet quite over. Because I died.

Praise the... ambient light.

Finally finding some blessed natural light after the second bonfire in Tomb of Giants was a real thrill. The shiny cave was not too bad, a few skeletons and some guys that look like the pinwheel boss have big magic attacks but are easy to take out from a distance.

Bows can zoom! Nice of me to learn that only 80 hours in.

I also discovered the absolute most adorable enemies in the whole game so far. BABY SKELETONS!?

Is it evil to kill undead children? No.

Please. This is too much. Oh shit there's another... and another... OH GOD THEY'RE POISONOUS, RUN!


On the plus, I discovered a new attack that happens if you attack with R1 after a roll. STILL learning new techniques...

Quelaag's Furysword looks awesome in the dark.

Fog gate plus giant hole. Sounds like a fight. Dropping into a room from above has never ended well.

Let's just put this Ring of Sacrifice on...

Here's a new encounter with Nito, though the room is a lot darker now than before. Why is he so angry? We got along great not too long ago when I came in through the Catacombs... I guess he doesn't like people using his Skylight as a door.

I guess I shouldn't have abandoned the covenant so soon.

First attempt I got him down to 25%, so I think tomorrow I'll be able to take him out without concern.

Tomb of the Giants: I hate this place.

Mar 9 - 11 Deaths (1 Stupid) / 60 Push-ups

It started out nicely... The firekeeper lady was happy about me offering the soul of the Four Kings to the LordVessel and she boosted my bonfire to freakin' 20 Estus! Look at the size of that flame!

Imminent s'mores.

I made it safely to Tomb of the Giants, but that's when it all went to shit. At first I was handing the skeleton freaks asses to them, making good progress. Next thing I know, the guy I figured I shouldn't trust kicked me in the back into a hole. To be honest, I was expecting that but I wanted to see how they did it (and if I could dodge it).

Asshole.

I killed the hollowed knights of whatshername and made it back up for revenge on the bald liar, all without a single death.

But then I found the tomb with the three skeletons down below. Arrows? Nope, shitty angle and you fall in. Pyromancy? Nope, the stupid fireballs hit the goddamn ceiling half the time and not the skeletons below. Jump down and fight? Oh wait, turns out there are four skeletons. Try again, kill four of them from above over 25 minutes, jump in and WHAT THE FUCK TWO MORE?

Six goddamn skeletons. All souls and humanity long gone by now. Nothing left but to suicide run for what turned out to be a large divine ember. I don't even know how to use the fucking thing.

This pretty much sums up how my day went.

Found a new route finally, killed a skeleton dog thing only to get asskicked by his friend. How did that happen? I was blocking!

Oh. There was a Black Knight stabbing me in the back at the same time.

And do think, I only have to level up six times if I want to use the illumination spell. Perhaps I'll find 200,000 souls lying around.

Fuck you, Dark Souls.

Four Dead Kings

3/7 - 4 Deaths / 20 Pushups

After four attempts, I finally took down the Four Kings. The key for me was realizing that the additional spawns were timed rather than being based on the death of the previous. I thought at first that each dead king came back to fight with whoever was left!

Two-handed sword - full-on aggression mode made it a cake walk. Estus between each.

There didn't seem to be anything else to do in the abyss so I warped out of there.

It's hard to tell, but he's in pain right now

I wanted to finish making Quelaag's Furysword, so I went to the swamp of Blighttown to farm slugs for Large Titanite - and guess who I found! He gave me a shield to match his own as thanks for lending him some moss to get out of the poison. 

Poor sleepy Siegmeyer of Catarina, always getting himself stuck.

Siegmeyer is the only guy around here who ever gets his sleep

I'm not sure whether to proceed to the Tomb of Giants, Duke's Archive or try helping out some others in Jolly Co-op next. We'll see tomorrow I guess!

Flushing New Londo

3/5 - 2 Deaths / 10 Pushups

Ghosts!

So luckily (probably thanks to Gold Serpent Ring) the ghosts drop Transient Curses fairly often. At least, when you can pick them up!

It was probably just more curses anyways...

Despite being lost a couple times, I found the two things I knew I wanted most; the composite bow and the firekeeper soul. I ALMOST put an arrow in the back of the Red Mage, but luckily decided to approach with caution instead and when he didn't attack, I realized I could speak to him.

Love the robe! I have the same one!

I drained the water, revealing an even COOLER looking New Londo Ruins, and when I realized those doors led to the Valley of the Drakes I was both impressed again at the level design and disappointed that it didn't flush those bastard drakes down the crevasse with the water.

So what happens if I pull this...

Brought to you by '2000 Flushes'

I ran into some skeletons that looked like the guys on the old Planet of the Apes movie, who had magic shields and a glowing punch attack. I think these were Darkwraiths because someone posted 'Beware of Darkwraith' in a doorway after I'd fought three of them.

THEN one of them connected the glowy punch when I was stunned and stole a humanity from me! Fucking Monkeys! I NEVER have spare humanity and they took TWO!

No, monkey that's MY HUMANITY!

I FINALLY found the final fog gate and went down and down a winding staircase. At the bottom I was about to jump off when I remembered red mage talking about Artorias and I thought; if this is the Abyss, I probably need the Artorias' ring. So I put it on and jumped...

I didn't die, so either it helped or I'm just awesome.

Strangely, another health bar was above the boss himself and the one across the middle (bunked up by the PC interface tweak) wasn't moving as I attacked. Nevertheless, this boss was easy. I killed the fucker with only one Estus flask used.

Aaaaand then he showed up again. I wasn't ready for this one and took a spear in the face to end tonight's gaming session.

Well this isn't so bad...

One final note from the Red Mage guy came to mind.

He said: "The Four Kings".

Well, shit.